Being Mormon un married and in your 30's is a tough life to lead.  I never thought I would be in this position and I never realized what it would do to you mentally.  It probably wouldn't be so bad if I didn't follow the teachings or if I was inactive which lets face it I'm not perfect and don't always go.  But I love the gospel and what to do what is right.  Sometimes I ask myself is there a cut of date of when I can start picking up men in bars?  So far I haven't been able to bring myself to do that.  I've dated a variety of men over the years.  Only feeling the spark a couple times.  Once when I was in my mid 20's and the other a little more recently.  I try not to look back but it's easy said than done.  Alway's wondering If pushing certain men away was the right decision or was I just being superficial.  I'm going to go with superficial.  I remember constantly thinking there's someone better waiting for me.  I'm starting to think that I might have been a little over zealous in my expectation of men.  As wonderful as most are they are not perfect.  There is no such thing as a white night.  It's a tough reality to face as a growing women.  Fairy tales and love stories are just that.  I'm not bitter, yet... but do need to turn my focus on other things.  I've starting working out again.  Now I'm wondering why in the world would I allow myself to get out of shape.  It's tough but I'm preserving through it.  I took up gardening...well I should say I bought all the stuff to start gardening.  It's not really going so well.  Most my plants are brown and not in a good way.  I'll continue to work on that.  I am working on building a bookkeeping business but as much as I hate to admit this I really just would rather be taken care of.  Not in my options at the moment but that's how I really feel.  Work is not always very exciting.

I'm going to continue to find hobbies to keep my mind busy during this time of my life.  At the same time hoping one of these hobbies will find me someone great.  We'll see.  I'll continue to keep a record of my growing abilities and the fabulous people I meet in the process.